it scares me how, when i couldnt breathe, my initial instict
was to cut myself, and that that was what calmed me.
something isnt right, im sure of it


youre disgusting you stupid fucking bitch youre fucking sick sick digusting worthless useless whore i hope you die


as much as i love others, i dont think i will ever
love anyone as much as i loved them.
it was such an intense feeling, im scared ill
never be able to feel that strongly for anyone else,
even if i love them with everything in me.
its a sickening feeling.

i feel empty inside, im afraid my feelings arent real because i can never tell if theyre there.


i keep saying too much, letting too much out, im starting to worry her.
the last thing i want is for her to catch on
because what if she doesnt love me then...
if she even loves me as i am now.

i think they have completely warped my idea of what a normal relationship is
or maybe its my own doing
but its only clicking now that i wasnt like this before everything with them
i can never make her happy, because what she wants i cant provide
she wants to care and wants me to talk but its so,,, selfish to do that
and the idea of her worrying about me makes my stomach churn
i dont think im what she wanted, or what she was hoping for
maybe i should just die, save her from having to deal with me any longer
im just a burden, all i do is destroy people
im a disgusting, evil creature
i dont deserve love