8.3.19
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it scares me how, when i couldnt breathe, my initial instict
was to cut myself, and that that was what calmed me.
something isnt right, im sure of it

8.4.19
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youre disgusting you stupid fucking bitch youre fucking sick sick digusting worthless useless whore i hope you die

8.5.19
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as much as i love others, i dont think i will ever
love anyone as much as i loved them.
it was such an intense feeling, im scared ill
never be able to feel that strongly for anyone else,
even if i love them with everything in me.
its a sickening feeling.
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i feel empty inside, im afraid my feelings arent real because i can never tell if theyre there.

8.7.19
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i keep saying too much, letting too much out, im starting to worry her.
the last thing i want is for her to catch on
because what if she doesnt love me then...
if she even loves me as i am now.
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i think they have completely warped my idea of what a normal relationship is
or maybe its my own doing
but its only clicking now that i wasnt like this before everything with them
i can never make her happy, because what she wants i cant provide
she wants to care and wants me to talk but its so,,, selfish to do that
and the idea of her worrying about me makes my stomach churn
i dont think im what she wanted, or what she was hoping for
maybe i should just die, save her from having to deal with me any longer
im just a burden, all i do is destroy people
im a disgusting, evil creature
i dont deserve love