6.22.19 ━ my life is a constant string of repeated mistakes. i do the same things every day and i rarely deviate from the pattern. i wonder if i'm even here. ━ i think, if i wasnt being weighed down by gravity, i could float. i could float higher and higher into the sky until the change in atmosphere suffocates me and my head explodes and all the meaningless thoughts inside of it rain down on earth. i want that to happen. i want it to be over. i want to fucking die.
6.23.19 ━ i wish i could die. im fucking terrible. disgusting. worthless. the most embarrassing person alive. i wouldnt be missed. i wouldnt even miss myself. i think everything changed within me after them. i think i lost all of myself the day i lost them. im intolerable. irrational. childish even. i take the simplest of things people say as a threat, or as an insult. i dont deserve what i have. i dont deserve the people i have in my life. they were right about me. im a disgusting, manipulative cunt. a tornado that destroys everything in its wake. no wonder i barely have anyone. i dont even deserve those i do have. i wasnt born to be with anyone when all i do is leave them in pain. disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting you sick fucking bitch you are fucking horrible and if you died not a single person would even fucking notice why are you still here when its obvious no one wants you or needs you when all you do is hurt them and hurt them and hurt them youre sick sick sick sick sick sick and even sicker than that you shouldve drowned yourself last time you all you do is hurt and hurt and hurt and if anythign you should be the one hurting all i wanna do is cut i wanna cut so bad so so bad and i dont think it would even ammount to anything or would make anything ive ever done any less disgusting i dont care if people think im fucking horrible because i am i fucking am i will never forget all the things my friend said to me once maybe i shouldve killed myself i should have ugly fucking bitch worthless pig worthless im fucking worthless in this world im a piece of shit im waste im invisible to those around me and when im noticed its never because they care. ━ i'm starting to adopt their mannerisms. its a scary feeling.
6.27.19 ━ thats what i fucking get for being an attention-seeking whore no wonder im unloved
6.30.19 ━ the house is eerily silent and, for once in my miserable life, i have never felt so alone. ━ unloveable you scum you fucking scum youre a waste of space and a waste of the earth and the air and every fucking thing you make me sick i make myself sick i make everyone sick youre a disappointment to anyone and everyone you meet and the fact people continue to put up with you is absolutely baffling the death of your dog is what you deserved its karma for all the shitty things youve done