5.9.2019
━
i'm so tired.
every second i'm awake feels like an eternity.
and yet the days are getting shorter,
days and weeks are passing by.
and yet i don't feel like i'm moving with it.
it's like im stuck in some twisted, infinite loop;
some purgatory where everything
in my environment changes but me.
i'm wasting away with this earth.

i see what's happening in front of me and feel like i'm
watching a play, or a show, or maybe some never-ending
lucid dream. i don't feel like i'm even here sometimes.
i'm a shell of who i once was, and if you asked me to describe
myself, i wouldn't be able to form any words,
because not even i know who i am.

5.10.2019
━
i think i'm losing myself again.

5.12.2019
━
i get so annoyed when i tell people how sorry i am for
things i find so important and they respond with some sort
of faux pity. when i tell them i'm sorry for being so
annoying and bothering them and they respond with "but you
aren't" and ":(". shut the fuck up and be honest with me. i am not
a little child, i don't need to be lied and babied. i know when i've
been a shit person and instead of trying to convince me
that "it's okay" i'd rather have you tell me that i am.

they never tried to convince me i'm something i'm not.
at least when i admitted my faults to them, they accepted it.